When I was 16 weeks pregnant, I went in for a normal check up and noticed I had lost some more weight, it throw me off considering on my 1st and 2nd pregnany I was already showing by this time and had gained some weight (I weigh the same when I found out with baby #3 as I did with baby #2). I figured it was from stress from having our bathroom remodel around xmas and our son's (baby #1 - whom is 9 now) tonsils taking out before xmas. I went to the doctor on January 4th, 2011 and it forever CHANGED my life. The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, I kept saying what do you mean? He said maybe the baby is hiding let's have an ultrasound done. Of course, I start getting nervous and immediately tried contacting my husband and my mother who is watching (baby #2 - whom is 2-1/2 now). My husband leaves work hoping to make it to the ultrasound in time but it was too late they already put me in the room. As I'm laying there by myself in this small room, the lady wouldn't not say a word. I kept saying, everything okay? She just said I'm just looking. I started getting upset. Then came the doctor, who got a nod from the nurse who then turned to me, place his hand on my leg and said "I'm sorry your baby had passed away." I couldn't believe it!! I just started crying and saying no. My husband haven't made it yet so I was all alone being told our baby was gone. My doctor said I would have another one the next morning to confirm it and if the baby had passed I would be induced later that night since I was so far along and could NOT have a d&c. As I'm leaving the building my husband pulls up and of course I lost it even more. How am I going to tell him our baby was gone? I just started crying and dropped to my knees. How could this happen? What did I do? I felt helpless, how could I go home and face my son's (8 at the time) and tell him that the baby passed away? He knew I was going to the doctor that day to set up an ultrasound for the following week to see what we were having. The next day my husband and I went back for the 2nd ultrasound and the doctor confirmed that our baby went to the heaven. I was just in a daze...I just couldn't stop crying which I ending up making myself sick. My husband and I just held each other trying to figure out what we were going to do, how were we going to tell our son, our family when we didn't want to believe it ourselves. We came home from the doctors office and try to pull it together as we got the kids stuff together to send them to Grandma and Grandpa's house so we could go to the hospital later than evening. I will honestly say NO ONE prepared us for what was going to happen, what we NEEDED to do after I deliver our baby. That was very disappointing. We felt alone and blind sided. On January 6, 2011 I deliver Gabriel Daniel O'Neal at 5:30 am. At first I didn't want to see him. I was scared and was just a mess after the delivery. My husband broke down once they "officially" confirmed it was a boy since he was dying for another son and just broke down and didn't want to talk to anyone, not even me. After a few hours of letting him sleep I finally woke him up and told him that we needed to see our son, he didn't want too. I said you will regret this, I know you will. At the time I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see him but I knew we had too. I told him because this is our son, how could we NOT see our baby. The nurses brought our baby in and OMG he already looked just like his daddy!! I couldn't believe how at 16 weeks, he was just a tiny tiny baby! Nobody thinks like that and acts like it's nothing, it really upsets me that they only call stillborns at 20 weeks because at 16 weeks, they look just the same as a baby at 20 weeks just smaller. Our son fit in the palm of our hands. So tiny and precious!! I loved him from the minute I laid my eyes on him. After seeing him, I didn't want to let him go and decided instead of going with the hospital burial I wanted to have one for him the right way. I had him cremate and held a funeral service for him on January 14th, 2011. I now have him home with me in a heart shape urn that fits in the palm of your hand just like he did. I'm so thankful for my decision and would NOT change it for the world. Everyday that goes by I think of him, wishing I could have him here with me. I know GOD had another plan for him because if he didn't he wouldn't of taken him from us. They did testing on the both of us and found that nothing was wrong so they never could give me a answer on why we lost him. Why he passed away in my belly and I never miscarried. I even talk like he's here sometimes. I had an memorial wall done on my bedroom wall for comfort and got a tattoo done which has help me heal along the procress but it will never bring him back which is the hardest thing in the world to get thru. One day at a time, right? Thank you for reading my story.